"can jessica face life without elizabeth?" the line on the front reads. WOAH sweet valley metaphor to the MAX!
liz is in a coma, apparently that is what this book is supposed to be about according to everything that is written in the blurb - "horrible motorcycle accident", "lies in a coma", "without elizabeth, can life go on?" well it does indeed go on, liz is actually out of the coma by page 11.
but that is where this book truly begins! so liz comes out of the coma unscathed apart from one tiny thing - she has turned into JESSICA! liz starts acting like a total bitch, flirting with boys, stealing boyfriends, shopping for bikinis when she is meant to be helping make dip for the pool party - omg you are going to love this - jess makes a dip out of FRENCH ONION SOUP MIX! retro-gasm! while liz is out being generally irresponsible and slutty, jess is at home crying about it because SHE'S the one who's supposed to be generally irresponsible and slutty! LIFE IS NOT FAIR!
ok so the best bit is when all the kids from SVH go to lila's pick up party. omg this is so awesome, you have to go single, like even if you are dating someone, and lila prides herself on how many couples break up after one of her pick up parties - WHAT? ok, so liz goes single because she kicked todd to the curb right after she came out of the coma, such something jessica would do, except jessica marries him in the end GAH! DAMN YOU SWEET VALLEY CONFIDENTIAL! right so they are at lila's and guess who starts flirting with liz thinking that she is jess? only BRUCE PATMAN hottest guy on the planet! he gets pretty hot when he realises she is LIZ and not JESS because liz is like the only girl in the world who's been able to resist his charms, oh yeah and they end up together in the end of sweet valley confidential (ruinous) because bruce turns good and jess steals todd from liz. [HEAD EXPLODES].
ugh so where am i? yes ok we're at the party, liz is dancing with bruce and guess what? he gives her ALCOHOL! omg! she takes a swig from his flask behind a tree, and guess what? it's enough to make her pretty much paralytic. he touches her boob and then tries to take her to his HOUSE to do god knows what to her! :-O anyway, todd comes and saves her just moments before she passes out, there's a gal that can't hold her liquor.
next time liz 'aint so lucky, or she is. she goes willingly to bruce's house on the hill because his parents are out of town... while she is waiting in the "master bedroom" for him to bring the wine up she stands up for some reason and GUESS WHAT? she trips over, banging her head on the floor, and would you believe it, she has no memory of anything that has happened since she went into the coma and she is back to her normal boring sensible responsible self and runs straight back into todd's arms.
well, so that's sorted then.
liz is in a coma, apparently that is what this book is supposed to be about according to everything that is written in the blurb - "horrible motorcycle accident", "lies in a coma", "without elizabeth, can life go on?" well it does indeed go on, liz is actually out of the coma by page 11.
but that is where this book truly begins! so liz comes out of the coma unscathed apart from one tiny thing - she has turned into JESSICA! liz starts acting like a total bitch, flirting with boys, stealing boyfriends, shopping for bikinis when she is meant to be helping make dip for the pool party - omg you are going to love this - jess makes a dip out of FRENCH ONION SOUP MIX! retro-gasm! while liz is out being generally irresponsible and slutty, jess is at home crying about it because SHE'S the one who's supposed to be generally irresponsible and slutty! LIFE IS NOT FAIR!
ok so the best bit is when all the kids from SVH go to lila's pick up party. omg this is so awesome, you have to go single, like even if you are dating someone, and lila prides herself on how many couples break up after one of her pick up parties - WHAT? ok, so liz goes single because she kicked todd to the curb right after she came out of the coma, such something jessica would do, except jessica marries him in the end GAH! DAMN YOU SWEET VALLEY CONFIDENTIAL! right so they are at lila's and guess who starts flirting with liz thinking that she is jess? only BRUCE PATMAN hottest guy on the planet! he gets pretty hot when he realises she is LIZ and not JESS because liz is like the only girl in the world who's been able to resist his charms, oh yeah and they end up together in the end of sweet valley confidential (ruinous) because bruce turns good and jess steals todd from liz. [HEAD EXPLODES].
ugh so where am i? yes ok we're at the party, liz is dancing with bruce and guess what? he gives her ALCOHOL! omg! she takes a swig from his flask behind a tree, and guess what? it's enough to make her pretty much paralytic. he touches her boob and then tries to take her to his HOUSE to do god knows what to her! :-O anyway, todd comes and saves her just moments before she passes out, there's a gal that can't hold her liquor.next time liz 'aint so lucky, or she is. she goes willingly to bruce's house on the hill because his parents are out of town... while she is waiting in the "master bedroom" for him to bring the wine up she stands up for some reason and GUESS WHAT? she trips over, banging her head on the floor, and would you believe it, she has no memory of anything that has happened since she went into the coma and she is back to her normal boring sensible responsible self and runs straight back into todd's arms.
well, so that's sorted then.
Hey Vicky!!! It's your pen pal here! I'm totally cheating and contacting you via electronic interweb because I just got your letter with your new address. I sent something last week - did you get it? I hope so because it was full of valuable information on books to read, things to avoid, and a list of my pet peeves. It also contained the secret to life and happiness, so I really hope you got it, as I don't think I'll be able to recreate that. Don't you guys have mail forwrding over there??!! I got this link from your post on FYA - so I do hope this is in fact you - otherwise - kindly disregard. Also - a whole website on SVH??!! Holy shiz - I guess I better read some of those. Anywho - I'll be sure to use the new adderss - got to run, my cat is puking on the rug.
ReplyDeletecheater! :-O
ReplyDeleteactually i just sent you a postcard with my new new address so totally ignore everything i said about my new address until you get said postcard... i did get the secret to life and happiness, v. useful thanks.
yes we have mail forwarding, but who wants to pay for that when there are like 200 sweet valley high books to purchase? :-D
xx