kidnapped! #13

ok so like take a second to look at the art work here and try to work out what is going to happen... ps i like LOVE the SVH art work, which is by a guy called james mathewuse, check out: http://www.jimmyart.com/ to see all the other cool stuff he's done like the hardy boys and nancy drew and all sorts! what a genius.

so... LIZ GETS KIDNAPPED! OMG! some creepy guy with like mental issues kidnaps LIZ! not even JESS! like she's the one that usually gets into these messes... but liz is off playing good samaritan and working at the hospital as a candy striper on late shift while jess is walking around in her bikini in front of the new rich guy in town - nicholas morrow, that's right, REGINA's brother! remember regina? she's the one who dies later from taking cocaine like once after her therapy for being deaf finally works and she can hear again - FAR OUT!

so like jess is doing that, and liz is waking up tied to a chair and having a psycho like hand feeding her pancakes. sounds not so bad if you ask me, i mean apart from that he's a psycho, but as far as psychos go, he could've been a lot worse. in fact the only bad thing he really does to her is tie her to a chair. like really, when psychos kidnap blonde girls usually they aren't just doing it to tie them to a chair and make them pancakes, but whatever, it's sweet valley high and this is like the WORST thing that can happen in sweet valley! apart from bruce patman turning you down for a date, because that's like WAY WORSE!

anyway, in the end liz gets saved and jess is like - "i can't believe you had to wear that candy striper dress for like THREE days!" and that's really the whole book. i mean, it was good, like a real thriller... well you know, like a thriller for a non-thriller edition of a SVH thriller. gah, what?

not five stars, let's say it's like 4 stars.

double love #1

the first book in the sweet valley series like EVER! omg! it was like so weird to read this one after i've read like 20 others, but WOW it was like SO AMAZING! and i can kind of see now why some of the really annoying horrible things happened in sweet valley confidential even though i still think it was horrible to write those things down on paper. type those things down on paper. whatever!

SO jessica likes todd because he is the star basketball player and she is head cheerleader, makes sense that they should be together hello! todd likes liz because she's not totally mental and self absorbed, but is still blonde and hot and even though she's a writer and she's like smart and stuff, she actually looks like a cheerleader - the PERFECT WOMAN y'all! LIZ likes todd because he's hot pretty much, and because he's like "such a nice guy" or some crap. really, todd is a dork in jock's clothing and i think we'll all agree there are like a billion better looking, richer, more interesting guys in SVH, but liz picks todd, even though she ends up with bruce patman in THE END!

anyway, this whole book is basically about jess making up TOTAL LIES so that she can get todd, like he calls their house and she's like "jessica is out on dates with hot boys" when really, jess is reading a book or cooking dinner even though it's jessica's turn AGAIN that lazy bitch! todd is a dick because he believes all this crap and ends up going to the dance with JESSICA even though he wants to go with liz, well, they like look the same so whatever!

it's only when liz and jess get car-jacked by a MANIAC (a guy that jessica went on a date with once, well she's been on a date with everyone pretty much once) and taken to a BAR! OMG! that todd comes along and saves them by punching out said maniac and then making out with LIZ! even though five pages earlier he was making out with jess... todd makes out with BOTH twins in ONE BOOK? what a skeeze. and what the hell are these girls doing? like if todd makes out with your twin do you still want to DATE him? like what is so great about todd anyway? does he drive a porsche? no. does he live on a mansion on a hill? no. is his name bruce patman? no. todd is so beige it makes me never want to read "todd's story", the whole book which is about todd, even though i promised myself i was going to read them all -  GAG ME!

anyway, this was great. five stars.

alone in the crowd #28

sweet valley high GOLD! lynne henry has brown hair and wears glasses so no one wants to be friends with her. she's basically the biggest no one at sweet valley because everyone else is blonde or if they are brunette they are at least rich to make up for it.

but lynne henry has a secret talent - she's a singer/songwriter who is capable of moving an audience to tears with her heartfelt songs about being a loser. so lynne falls in love with one of the guys who plays in the droids (svh's most awesome rock band) - guy chesney, and even though she is a glasses wearing loser he actually TALKS TO HER! OMG!

lynne enters a competition in which she has to write a song that the droids will basically steal because they can't be bothered writing their own songs... so she submits a song anonymously because god how awful would it be if someone thought she was more than just a dork! WHAT?

her song gets chosen as like the best song ever written, and guy chesney falls in love with the voice on the tape and goes in search of the mystery songwriter, and it turns out to be lynne! OMG! WHO decides to ask her mom for a makeover, because basically if you don't wear cool clothes, swap glasses for contacts, put on some make up and do something with your hair you will ALWAYS be a loser and never have guy chesney fall in love with you. guy chesney finds out that it was lynne who sang on the tape after liz stalks her at work. guy falls in love with her just after her make over so that's convenient, because really, guy chesney isn't going to want to be seen with someone in glasses and baggy t-shirts.

while all this is happening jessica is being a pain in everyone's ass as usual and plans this benefit for the cheerleaders because they need new skirts. she has this nutso idea to get a rocking chair in the gym and make all the cheerleaders take turns rocking on it for like 24 hours and call it - rock around the clock - and have the droids play like 50s music. it sounds weird, but actually it turns out really cool.

liz doesn't do much, but whatever, she's boring anyway.

5 stars.